Abstinence syndrome

My life is quite simple, from home to my workplace, from my workplace to my home. Intertwined with that, I play video games, I see videos and anime, even normal stuff like sleeping.

However, what I take as my path on life, is the fact that I spend 16 hours of my daily life in front of a PC. 10 hours in the office, and 6 or more in my home.

It’s a custom now, part of my life, and it’s very difficult to change. So much so that when my computer went pray of a hardware failure, it was painful, uncomfortable and stressing. But, why?

First, the fact that my computer can display so much stuff about me, and that it would stay in a place outside my “jurisdiction” was evil for me. I cleaned up my computer and took out all my information (maybe in the inverse order), but there’s always something left out, or some program will do magic and everything that can be used to track or find out who am I gets shown as an open book (specially in my case, as I spend so much time looking at this bright rectangle with keys).

But the most aggravating of all situations, is the “what can I do”. Every day, I watch at least one anime episode, or I play some Phantasy Star Online 2/Dragon Nest/Spiral Knights quest. I watch videos on Internet. I search songs. I read, and a lot. But without my PC, I feel bad. There’s always a PC in my home, and I have a separate user account there, but it’s not the same. My Internet browser is not there, my games are not there, my apps are not there. Even worst, my anime is not there.

Call me addict, because that’s what I am. My need to absorb information, to see new things, to talk to my friends and known ones is really high, and when I can’t make it true, I get abstinence syndrome.

Even when I didn’t have Internet service, around one year ago, I was able to go on. My PC was there, my games were there and some anime I had as a reserve where there. I has something available to do. With my PC as is, I was empty.

I know that I could be doing better stuff in my life, and that my computer it’s not an extension of my life. But for right now, there’s not a semblance of truth in those statements. And, even if that whole issue just went by, and I’m sitting in front of my little magic box, I can’t seem to forget how I went up walls, hung up my ceiling and burned my hands, when I didn’t have it.